Friendly Fire
by cappyandpashy4ever
Summary: Nik and Scorch get into an argument. Can the hamhams and a very sarcastic computer help them get back to where they belong? Thanks to Capybara773! ONESHOT


**Hello! Cappyandpashy4ever here! Sorry I haven't been updating my actual stories lately. I wanted to finish Shed No Tears soon, because it was only three chapters long, so I had all my other stories on hold for a while. Oh well, I'm out of my hibernation now! So let me start it off with a new oneshot! Presenting Nik and Scorch, with permission from Capybara773! Thanks to all of you for your support!**

**Oh, and PS, I made a website thingy. I'll put the URL at the bottom of this page, so you all can see it. It's got my homemade wallpapers. **

**Friendly Fire:** by cappyandpashy4ever

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"And if you call in the next five minutes, you'll receive the entire Make-Up Mania kit, with the free blush compartment, and lipstick holder! But there's more! If you sign up for our free newsletter, you'll get a coupon worth twenty five percent off your next purchase of mascara!"

"Twenty five percent off mascara!" Nik retorted, switching off his television set. "That's an incredible bargain! If only I BLOODY WELL CARED!!!"

Nik spat into the sink and stepped up to Scorch's door.

"Hey Scorch?" he said through the door. "Do you have any idea where my-"

He was cut short. At that moment, Scorch strolled out of his room, holding the phone between his shoulder and his ear.

"Twenty five percent off mascara?" he spoke. "That's amazing! It's like they're practically giving it away!"

Scorch suddenly made eye contact with Nik, who was glaring whole-heartedly at him.

"And make that rush delivery!" Scorch yipped before slamming the phone down onto the receiver. "Hi Nik!" he said in a guilty voice.

"Hi." Was all Nik was able to say. He got his voice back quickly. "So THIS is where all our money is going! No wonder we can't pay the rent on this place! How much more stuff have you ordered?"

Nik attempted to push his way into Scorch's room. Scorch resisted, but he managed to knock him aside. His eyes grew wide. What Nik saw was an impressive amount of boxes, bags, bottles, jars, and various other items.

"You've been spending all our money on cruddy junk!?" Nik scolded.

"It's not cruddy!" Scorch defended. "All this stuff is important."

"Oh, like this potato peeler?" Nik said sarcastically. "I fail to see what this does."

"Well, it can peel potatoes." Scorch replied.

"You don't even like potatoes!" he spat back. "Oh, and I suppose this China Tea Set is of great value too, huh?"

Scorch nodded. "It once belonged to the queen of China herself!"

"China doesn't have queens!" Nik exclaimed angrily. "They have dictators! All men!"

"I knew it looked a little fishy on the ad…"

"Your reckless spending is driving us bankrupt!" he yelled. "We won't be able to pay this month's rent unless you stop losing us money!"

"I will not!" Scorch yelled back. "It's not my fault! All this stuff in completely necessary!"

"Then I guess we have no choice then." Nik said gravely. "One of us will have to move out."

The room was silent for a moment. Then Nik grabbed his suitcase.

"Fine." He stated. "Goodbye Scorch!"

"Good riddance!" Scorch agreed. "I don't know why I even started living in this apartment with you!"

"Maybe because you had no money so you needed to mooch off of mine!" Nik shot back. "But no need to worry about that now! I'm g-o-n-e!"

With that, Nik tossed all his things into the bag, and slammed the door. Scorch heard the sound of suitcase wheels rolling away.

"Hmmph." Scorch huffed. "Good riddance." He said again.

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"That no good lousy Scorch…" Nik mumbled to himself, clutching his paws around his heavy bag and dragging it along the street. "Useless! I'm glad I'm leaving."

Nik clunked his bag up to the tree that was the entrance to the clubhouse. He slid down the tunnel and emerged in the main room of the clubhouse. All the ham-hams were sitting around the sunflower shaped table in the center of the room, and looked up as Nik emerged from the opening.

"Hey guys!" he beamed, making eye contact with no one. "What's up?"

"Uh, hamha Nik!" Hamtaro smiled. "What brings you here?"

"Let's just say I had a fight with Nik." He stated. "But it'll all be over soon."

"It doesn't look like it'll be over soon." Pashmina commented, pointing out his suitcase.

"Alright, fine." Nik sighed. "I've moved out. I no longer enjoy the presence of that slob what's-his-name."

"His name is Scorch!" Hamtaro stated. "How could you forget? He'd your best pal!"

Nik rolled his eyes at Hamtaro's lack of knowledge for common expressions. "Not anymore, Hamtaro. I've left Scorch, and now I need a place to stay. Mind if I crash at the clubhouse for a while?"

The ham-hams looked around at each other. "Well, alright." Boss suddenly spoke up. "But don't try anything funny, got it?"

Boss made a little wink towards Bijou. Nik scowled and whispered, "Don't worry. I won't make any moves on your dream girl over there."

"Don't you like, miss him or anything?" Sandy asked.

"Nope, not at all!" Nik chimed, smiling and taking a deep breath. "With that bloody idiot Scorch out of the way, I have more time to focus on my dreams!"

"Like, what do ya mean, ham-dude?" Stan questioned.

"You know." He replied. "I wanna follow my passion!"

"Well," Bijou noted. "I zink eet eez time zat we all 'ead 'ome!"

Slowly, the hamsters all left the clubhouse, except for Snoozer, Boss and Nik.

"All right Nik," Boss started. "Lemme show you to your room."

He led him to a small but cozy guest bedroom. Nik laid out his things on the bed. Boss left the room, and the instant his head hit the pillow, he fell asleep.

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"This is great!" Scorch called down the hall of the apartment. "No more bossy Nik to tell me what to do! I think I'll go to Amazon dot com and order that new book on nuclear weapons."

"_That wasn't a smart thing to do."_

"Ah!" Scorch cried. "Who said that?"

"_Me, you dolt."_

"Oh yeah," he grinned. "I forgot that this computer talked."

"_You shouldn't have kicked Nik out, you know. And it's pronounced new-clee-ar not new-cue-lar like you were saying it."_

"Oh, shut up about the way I talk." Scorch shot back. "And why is it a bad thing? Nik is gone, I have the place to myself, and I can do anything I want!"

"_Believe me. It won't take long before you get bored…and lonely."_

"P'shaw." Scorch scoffed. "Like I'd get lonely! I prefer being alone anyway."

"_Suit yourself." _Said the computer. If computers could look mockingly at their users, this one would be doing just that.

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When Nik got up that morning, everyone else was already there.

"Hmm," he thought aloud. "Now that Scorch's gone, what am I going to accomplish?"

He settled on the idea of becoming a great scientist, and headed off towards Maxwell's lab. Once outside the door, he knocked.

Maxwell opened the door wearing his white lab coat and holding a vile of nasty looking green liquid. "Yes?" he spoke.

"Hey Maxwell!" Nik smiled. "I just decided that I wanted to become a scientist like you! Can you give me a few pointers?"

Maxwell looked rather flattered and stated, "Oh, of course Nik. Come in, you're just in time to help with my experiment."

Nik was impressed by the massive amounts of bubbling liquids, beakers, bottles and vials that Maxwell had inside his lab.

"So what's the plan?" he asked, putting on pair of safety goggles.

"I'm trying to create an energy source using only sunflower oil." Maxwell said.

"I'm not bad with this sort of thing." Nik stated. Maxwell showed him the project. He had a few wires trailing off of a bowl of yellowish liquid, that was the sunflower oil. The wires continued up towards a lamp.

"So far, I just can't get it to work!" Maxwell said angrily.

"I see the problem, Maxy." Nik said, acting superior. "All we need to do is link that blue wire where the red wire should be, the red wire where the green wire should be, and just take off the green wire all together."

Maxwell followed his instructions, and then flipped the switch. To his astonishment, a dim light flickered into life inside the lamp!

"Amazing, Nik!" he stated with wide eyes.

"Nah, not really." Nik said modestly. "It's not very bright. We need more sunflower oil."

Nik raced to the back of the room and picked up another vile of yellowish liquid. He tipped it over into the basin and put his paw on the switch.

"NO!" Maxwell yelled. "That's not sunflower oil! It's hydrogen clorophate! Flipping the switch will cause-"

**BOOOOOM!!!**

"…a nuclear explosion." Maxwell muttered.

Through his singed eyelids, Maxwell scanned his lab. All around him were the remnants of broken vials, test tubes and glass containers. Colored liquids dripped onto the floor, and many gasses were released into the air.

"My…my lab!" Maxwell gasped.

"Woopsies!" Nik yelled. "Time for me to go!"

And with that, he ran from the lab.

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Scorch was making bids on eBay like lightening.

"_Ouch! Don't press my keys so hard!"_

"Oh shut up, you!" Scorch retorted.

"_This is just your way of getting back at Nik." _The computer stated. _"Spending money only delays the pain until later."_

Scorch turned off the monitor. "Just because you can talk doesn't mean you should."

"_Just face it. You miss him already!"_

Scorch glared, but couldn't help feeling something deep inside.

-

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After running a good long ways, Nik found himself outside Dexter's room. He went inside.

"Ah, greetings Nik!" Dexter looked up from his needlepoint project.

Nik held back a laugh. Dexter was stitching a picture of Pashmina onto a tea cozy!

_Just calm down and pretend to be interested. _He told himself. "Hey Dexter, what are you doing?"

"Oh just a little gift for my sweet, sweet Pashmina!" he cooed. He made a final stitch and then crowed, "There! It's done! But I fear I shall never have enough courage to give it to her."

"No problem mate!" Nik grinned. "I could take it to her for you!"

"You'd do that for me?"

"Of course! What are friends for?" Nik took the needlepoint project.

"Just be careful with it!" Dexter yelled.

"Oh don't worry I wi-ahhhhh!" Nik got his paw tangled in a bit of yarn. Struggling to break free, he fell to the ground, his head crashing through Dexter's project.

"My masterpiece! Ruined!" he cried.

"Nik!" came the sound of Maxwell's voice from the hall.

"Oh dear, I better go!" Nik called. He ran into Stan's room.

"Sorry Stan!" he said to a bewildered Stan. "I need to borrow this!"

He grabbed his skateboard and rode the heck outta there!

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"_Nik is your sunshine, your only sunshine. He makes you happy, when skies are graaaayyy!" _the computer sang.

"Be quiet!" Scorch yelled from the couch.

"_Twinkle twinkle little Scorch! Nik is gone and now he's sad!"_

"That didn't rhyme!" Scorch said.

"_Baa baa black sheep, have you any wool?"_

"That's completely irrelevant to the situation!" Scorch retorted.

"_Maybe. But you still miss him."_

"Do not."

"_Come on, you need to face the facts!"_

"No!"

"_Go make up with him or I'll never turn on again!"_

"Works for me."

"_But of course, that means no eBay or Amazon or-"_

"Nik! I'm coming for you!" Scorch bounded out the door.

"_Man, I love my job…"_

_-_

_-_

Nik had no idea how to ride a skateboard. He crashed the second he pushed off, and the skateboard cracked in two.

"NIK!" Stan yelled. Great, that was three people after him.

Nik had no choice; He dive-bombed into the closet and locked the door. He had no idea how long he's been sitting there when he heard a knock.

"Nik, this is Pashmina. I think you should come out, there's someone who wants to see you."

"Someone who wants to see me?" Nik scratched his head. He walked out of the closet and stepped into the main room.

"Oh," he said disdainfully. "It's you, Scorch."

"Yeah, it's me." He said back.

"You had something to tell me?" Nik asked.

"The girls said you had something to tell me." Scorch added.

"Fine. You go first." Said Nik.

"No, you go first."

"You first!"

"You first, Nik!"

"You first!"

"You first!" said Scorch.

"You first." Said Nik.

"Me first!" said Scorch.

"Alright, you first." Nik nodded.

"Dang, that usually works in cartoons." Scorch swore.

For a while the room was silent.

"Well…I just wanted to…you know…" he mumbled.

"Yeah." Nik said. "I want to, as much as I like it here…"

And without any notice, quite suddenly, the two hamsters were hugging and crying.

"Nik! Please, move back in! I'm a wreck without you telling me what to do!"

"No, I should be the one begging to come back!" Nik stated. "I was a jerk for telling you what to do!"

The two boys suddenly smiled, and they nodded.

"Okay." Scorch said. "Let's agree to never fight again!"

"Only if you promise to never let me leave again!" Nik compromised. Together, the two boys walked back to their apartment.

"It feels good to be back!" Nik grinned. "Now let's-"

**DING DONG!**

Scorch ran to open the door, and he returned holding a large brown package.

"What is that, mate?" Nik asked.

"My mascara of course." Scorch nodded.

Nik rolled his eyes. "Oh of course. To bring out the beauty in your eyes, I suppose?"

Scorch, for some reason, burst out laughing.

"What's so funny?"

"It's just," Scorch began. "This is why we began fighting? Because you thought I was ordering some dumb make-up?"

"Well, isn't it dumb make-up?" Nik asked.

"Of course not!" Scorch replied. "Mascara stands for Massive Arsenal Simultaneous Combusting Reacting Agents!"

"What?" Nik asked, very confused.

"It's a giant bomb!"

"Now you're talking my language!" Nik added.

And so, the two hamster, rather like brothers, rampaged around the city and blew stuff up, because that was what friends did.

Well, it's not really what friends do, but it's close enough anyway.

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**END**

**Okay, that was odd. But it's not bad, right? Thanks to Capybara773 for use of Nik and Scorch! Oh, and here's the URL for my website. It's (www dot matmice dot com slash home slash ilikeblueberrypie2) I had to space it out like that for it to appear. When you type it in, use a . for a dot and a / for a slash. You guys should totally check it out! Well, thanks for being good fans! Love you all!**

**-cappyandpashy4ever**


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